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the bro code

The Original Bro Code (July 4, 1776)

While the story of The Bro Code is not nearly as simple and elegant as God handing down some stone tablets to Broses, its origins weave all the way back to the dawn of humanity

In the beginning there was no Bro Code… which was unfortunate for the world’s first Bros-Cain and Abel. Lacking an agreed-upon set of social principals, Cain killed Abel and comitted history’s first Broicide. As punishment Cain was doomed to walk the earth alone. Why? Because without a wingman, he had absolutely no chance to meet chicks.

Centuries later a Bro from Sparta and a Bro from Troy got in a fight over a chick named Helen. I know, “Helen” doesn’t sound hot, but allegedly she had a “face that launched a thousand ships” so you can just imagine what her rack was like. The two Bros waged a terrible war over this chick-a war that could have been avoided has the Bros been familiar with the most basic Bro Code: Bros before ho’s. Troy put up a good fight, but the Spartan navy was very powerful. Soon hordes of Spartan seamen burst through the Trojan barrier, and Helen got half the gold for the next eighteen years.

Hundreds of years later, appropriately in Philadelphia (the City of Bro Love), a little known delegate named Barnabas Stinson scrathed on pathchment what is now considered the earliest attempt to record The Bro Code. Over the years Bros have amended and added rules, but Stinson’s elegant words remain as the glorious preamble to The Bro Code.

While the original document is housed two stories beneath sea level in an undisclosed, vacuum-sealed, bullet-proof chamber, I was able to gain access lone enough to manufacture this replica.

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20 Comments

  • Cool story bro

  • BRO

  • Where is 25 and 31?

    • read article 4 again

    • why don't you read article 22?

  • Bro Code

  • why did it stop at 32? I know for a fact that there is a 69 and 70.

  • a bro will never swoop another bro.

  • No sex with a bro's ex

  • #34.. Never look a bro in the eye during a devil’s 3… 2 men.

  • [...] 4 : A Bro never divulges the existance of The Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason… no, not even [...]

  • ive been following the bro code for several years and i swear me and my bros are like X (criss cross)

  • Might want to learn the real bro code there cracker. Frigging whites fucking with black heritage.

  • A Bro shall not have sex with another Bro's Ex.

  • A bro is note expected to remember other bro’s birthdays. Unless of course that bro is his dad because forgetting it may cost him severely in the final Will and Testament.

    A bro shall always remember this parent’s anniversary and his mother’s birthday because it’s never good to piss off mama.

    • agreed

  • artical 69 could stand for more than one thing

  • What the hell does anyone need a code for?
    Just who the hell do you think I am?
    You’re all my bros.

  • This only goes up to 80 but there’s an article 89

  • This code shall now be what influences all of my friendships and any of my bros that breaks it will be under pain of getting the ugly chick at parties.

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